After months of confusion, inner turmoil, and lots of angst.… this experiment has come to an end.
My boyfriend and I broke up last week.
I am incredibly sad we couldn’t make it work. He is a fantastic person — just not fantastic for me as a romantic partner. There are definitely things we could have done better, and I’m taking those things away as lessons to not repeat in the future.
I truly wish him the very best in life and all the happiness in the world.
It’s weird — in the past, my ex-boyfriends have all been douches that have done terrible things to me (like that one guy that broke up with me over Snapchat…) so I had that righteous anger and indignation to fall back on to get me through the breakup. I don’t have that this time because it was no one’s fault. I just feel sad.
I am incredibly GLAD we took the leap and tried to make it work. I learned a ton about myself, what I need from a partner, and what a fulfilling life looks like to me. Even though the outcome isn’t what I wanted, I’m not plagued by the “what if”. I know what happened and I’m glad we tried.
After it became clear to me we weren’t going to work out, I started to make plans. As my freelancing efforts ‘succeeded’ in part thanks to his generosity with keeping my expenses low, I’m trying to figure out what I want to do with my time. I get to decide where I live, what career I want, and what level of work I apply to. Not many people have that freedom.
I have been applying to go back to corporate jobs. I do not want to hear any “I told you so’s” because while the vast majority of you are kind and wonderful people, there are a few trolls that have popped up since I started freelancing. I have a job freelancing right now — the only problem is I can’t live off the wage it produces.
I decided since I’ve been working my butt off lately, I might as well go back to the corporate world and make lots of money instead of a few bucks here and there. I am looking at getting back into my former career of IT Executive Support, so if anyone has an “in” to that kind of job shoot me an email!
In the meantime, I can’t stay here in Minneapolis in his house. It’s too painful for both of us and delaying the healing work we both need to do. If it were any other time of year, I’d head down south to Dallas to stay with friends that have offered a room for Mew and me. However, the holidays are rapidly approaching. Since I’d have to go home for the holidays, I might as well just stay there.
I am incredibly grateful I have that support system to fall back on. I took this chance knowing they’d be there if things fell apart. I can’t say I would’ve done this otherwise.
I’ve talked in the past about having a lot of stuff. Even though I haven’t bought much in the last few years, and gotten rid of a TON of stuff, I still have quite a few possessions that need to be moved out of his house. My parent’s house doesn’t have room for it, so I can’t just take it with me to their house. I looked into getting a POD, but I’m not sure I can afford $200 a month with my variable income. I thought about getting a storage unit here in Minneapolis, but prices are higher thanks to the large metropolitan area and I didn’t want to have to come back in the winter to get my stuff once I figure out where I’m going.
So, I’m taking the stuff with me. I thought about getting a storage unit close to my parent’s house, but then I remembered I have a friend with a huge house and a giant empty attic. She has graciously offered the use of her attic to store my belongings as long as I need. I will be giving her some money monthly for it because I can afford a little and she needs the money. Hopefully, I won’t need to store it there for too long!
Once I figure out where I’m going, I can plan on how to move it to the new location, but I’m not going to worry about that now.
I picked up about 40 boxes from a lady on Craigslist for free, so I’ve got that aspect covered. They smell like old lady flowery perfume and sadness, but they cost me nada so I’m grateful. My stuff can always air out later.
My plan is to apply for full-time jobs while also working on freelance assignments. So far, I’ve had good luck with content management gigs but it’s been a challenge to make those happen while dealing with the fallout of my personal life falling apart. That should get easier with time.
If 2019 rolls around and no one has hired me, I plan to explore living in the South. I have the aforementioned friends in Dallas and options in Georgia. After I get hired, I’ll move there. I’m totally open to moving pretty much anywhere in the world. Some places sound more fun than others, but for the short-term, I just want to get back into the full-time working world. I plan to keep as many of the freelancing gigs as I can while working full-time.
I feel like now is an excellent time to put my nose to the grindstone and do some work. Who knows, maybe my freelancing efforts will flourish when there isn’t so much pressure to make money off of them.
As we are both involved in this personal finance blogging community, I don’t want anyone to feel like they have to take sides. We will remain friends through the years — just not as good of friends as we once were.
My heart is hurting, but ultimately I feel this is the right move for both of us.
Wish me luck on the new adventure I get to take on!
As always, thanks for reading! What’s your favorite awful chick flick movie? I’m running out of options 🙂