After months of confusion, inner turmoil, and lots of angst.… this experiment has come to an end.
My boyfriend and I broke up last week.
I am incredibly sad we couldn’t make it work. He is a fantastic person — just not fantastic for me as a romantic partner. There are definitely things we could have done better, and I’m taking those things away as lessons to not repeat in the future.
I truly wish him the very best in life and all the happiness in the world.
It’s weird — in the past, my ex-boyfriends have all been douches that have done terrible things to me (like that one guy that broke up with me over Snapchat…) so I had that righteous anger and indignation to fall back on to get me through the breakup. I don’t have that this time because it was no one’s fault. I just feel sad.
I am incredibly GLAD we took the leap and tried to make it work. I learned a ton about myself, what I need from a partner, and what a fulfilling life looks like to me. Even though the outcome isn’t what I wanted, I’m not plagued by the “what if”. I know what happened and I’m glad we tried.
What’s Next
After it became clear to me we weren’t going to work out, I started to make plans. As my freelancing efforts ‘succeeded’ in part thanks to his generosity with keeping my expenses low, I’m trying to figure out what I want to do with my time. I get to decide where I live, what career I want, and what level of work I apply to. Not many people have that freedom.
I have been applying to go back to corporate jobs. I do not want to hear any “I told you so’s” because while the vast majority of you are kind and wonderful people, there are a few trolls that have popped up since I started freelancing. I have a job freelancing right now — the only problem is I can’t live off the wage it produces.
I decided since I’ve been working my butt off lately, I might as well go back to the corporate world and make lots of money instead of a few bucks here and there. I am looking at getting back into my former career of IT Executive Support, so if anyone has an “in” to that kind of job shoot me an email!
In the meantime, I can’t stay here in Minneapolis in his house. It’s too painful for both of us and delaying the healing work we both need to do. If it were any other time of year, I’d head down south to Dallas to stay with friends that have offered a room for Mew and me. However, the holidays are rapidly approaching. Since I’d have to go home for the holidays, I might as well just stay there.
I am incredibly grateful I have that support system to fall back on. I took this chance knowing they’d be there if things fell apart. I can’t say I would’ve done this otherwise.
The Stuff
I’ve talked in the past about having a lot of stuff. Even though I haven’t bought much in the last few years, and gotten rid of a TON of stuff, I still have quite a few possessions that need to be moved out of his house. My parent’s house doesn’t have room for it, so I can’t just take it with me to their house. I looked into getting a POD, but I’m not sure I can afford $200 a month with my variable income. I thought about getting a storage unit here in Minneapolis, but prices are higher thanks to the large metropolitan area and I didn’t want to have to come back in the winter to get my stuff once I figure out where I’m going.
So, I’m taking the stuff with me. I thought about getting a storage unit close to my parent’s house, but then I remembered I have a friend with a huge house and a giant empty attic. She has graciously offered the use of her attic to store my belongings as long as I need. I will be giving her some money monthly for it because I can afford a little and she needs the money. Hopefully, I won’t need to store it there for too long!
Once I figure out where I’m going, I can plan on how to move it to the new location, but I’m not going to worry about that now.
I picked up about 40 boxes from a lady on Craigslist for free, so I’ve got that aspect covered. They smell like old lady flowery perfume and sadness, but they cost me nada so I’m grateful. My stuff can always air out later.
The Future
My plan is to apply for full-time jobs while also working on freelance assignments. So far, I’ve had good luck with content management gigs but it’s been a challenge to make those happen while dealing with the fallout of my personal life falling apart. That should get easier with time.
If 2019 rolls around and no one has hired me, I plan to explore living in the South. I have the aforementioned friends in Dallas and options in Georgia. After I get hired, I’ll move there. I’m totally open to moving pretty much anywhere in the world. Some places sound more fun than others, but for the short-term, I just want to get back into the full-time working world. I plan to keep as many of the freelancing gigs as I can while working full-time.
I feel like now is an excellent time to put my nose to the grindstone and do some work. Who knows, maybe my freelancing efforts will flourish when there isn’t so much pressure to make money off of them.
Final Thoughts
As we are both involved in this personal finance blogging community, I don’t want anyone to feel like they have to take sides. We will remain friends through the years — just not as good of friends as we once were.
My heart is hurting, but ultimately I feel this is the right move for both of us.
Wish me luck on the new adventure I get to take on!
As always, thanks for reading! What’s your favorite awful chick flick movie? I’m running out of options 🙂
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Best wishes. It’s gotta be tough with a public breakup like this. Time will make it better. Good luck finding a job!
Just because someone isn’t right for you doesn’t mean they have to be a bad person. And it’s absolutely harder when they aren’t a total jerk, but it’s even more important to move on in that case in my opinion, because it can be a lot harder to do so. Good luck on this next step — and absolutely no I told you so’s here — taking a big leap with what if’s are absolutely the right choice much of the time. What the heck is the point of pursing FI if you don’t allow yourself to take the chances it affords?
Angela @ Tread Lightly Retire Early recently posted…Embracing The Simplicity Of Zero Waste: Guest Post From Kiwi And Keweenaw
Oh, Gwen, I’m sorry to hear this happened. I know it’s for the best for everyone, and I’m sure there’s a lot of heartache right now. I hope the two of you find healing in your own time.
I’m new to freelancing full-time myself (3 weeks in!), but I’d be more than happy to toss back some ideas to help you make it a reality continuing full time, if that’s what would make you happy. <3 Just DM me on Twitter if you want to chat!
Much love to you!
P.S. If you do find your way to Dallas, let me know!
Mrs. Picky Pincher recently posted…What A Frugal Weekend! October 28
Hugs and here’s to new adventures and new chapters.
Penny recently posted…What Happened When I Tried to Stop Believing in the Latte Factor
Sending some virtual hugs your way! You got this Gwen and I am sure you will figure things out for the best for your next steps. I’m very glad you have a great support system to help navigate through these changes. I admire that you both appear to be respectful of each other despite things not working out and that you seem to wish the best to each other. The world needs more of this.
I also admire that you share your experiences, of trying different things and also of readjusting your plans. Keep on being true to yourself and ignore the trolls! Good luck with the freelancing as well as the job search and new adventures.
Ms. Mod recently posted…Results October 2018 : Mission Reduce our Grocery Spending
Thanks for your open and honest account. Heartbreak sucks, especially when you have already invested so much in each other. It’s great that you are looking at how wide the doors are for you now. Let me know if you start looking to live on the West Coast! All the best.
So sorry to hear this. I do have to add though that since you have a blog and podcast, this opens you up to many digital marketing opportunities that are remote work! That’s how I got into my current position of remote digital marketing strategist for agency that works with IT companies. 😉 Just an idea! You just have to position it well.
Sorry to hear this, and best wishes on your next chapter! I’d admire your thoughtfulness and how you keep plugging along even in the mindset of hard times. I know that perseverance will help you get far in life!
Sucks, but if it wasn’t meant to be then it is for the best and future you will appreciate it.
SAHD FIRE recently posted…FIRE Path – Retirement Number Goals – 2018
Big hugs. I put together a little something when on the upswing from a breakup after a 4.5‑year relationship. Hope it offers you a little light. https://personalprofitability.com/the-complete-guide-to-heartbreak-10-rules-to-get-over-it-and-move-on/
Eric Rosenberg recently posted…September 2018 Online and Side Hustle Income Report
You know you have my support my friend! Wishing you the best and chat with me anytime on FB! In a lot of ways (aside from a breakup) we are in similar boats? Maybe they both come into safe harbors!
Hang in there. You took a risk and have learned so much about yourself.
I live in Dallas and love it. The DFW area is so big, each corner with its own personality. Hit me up if you do decide to end up here or are considering the area. Strong job market.
SavvyFinancialLatina recently posted…2 Weeks Notice
Best of luck in your next adventure and congrats for the chance you took. If you decide to head to DFW, reach out and drop into our ChooseFI Group. Best market/economy in the country, wish I had found this place in my 20s.
Who needs a chick flick when you can just listen to Backstreet Boys on repeat? I got you girl!!
So sorry to hear Gwen but new adventures await you. Keep your head up and you won’t miss those new opportunities!
Dave @ Accidental FIRE recently posted…Your Money Horoscopes
We’re here for you Gwen. Let us know what we can do to help, if anything-and I’d nothing that’s OK.
Love how you live life to the fullest, and won’t have any regrets about not giving something a shot. I wish I could have taken similar risks when I was your age.
Liz@ChiefMomOfficer recently posted…10 Things You Should Really Do When The Market Goes Haywire
Gwen! I’m sorry to hear this. A hug and best wishes for you. Let me know if you land in Colorado!
Carol @ DownsizeYour2080 recently posted…Seeking Part-time in a Full-time World: The Cover Letter
Sorry to hear this Gwen! I know you’ll be great and kill it. Being young is the time to take risks! There will be love around the corner!
Oh man. So sorry you’ve hit some obstacles, but I’m glad to hear you have a support system to help until your next adventures. Cool you’re considering Georgia. My husband is in IT in Alpharetta, GA. He thinks I’m funny for being so enthusiastic about & worrying over my favorite FIRE podcasters, but I’ll ask if he happens to have any job leads. I am just a random FIRE fan, but I am rooting for you!
Hey I’ll take support from wherever and whoever I can get it from, I’m not picky. Thank you for worrying about me!
You are so authentic and that is what makes your blog and podcast special. Don’t lose that. Thanks for sharing with us. You’re gonna come out of this okay. You’re incredibly smart and talented and just sparky. I am rooting for you!
Thanks Claudia. Keepin it real over here! Life isn’t all sunshine and roses for anyone and it’s not fair to only talk about the good stuff.
As someone who is older and more settled in life, I’m excited to see all the doors of opportunity that are open to you. You can go just about anywhere and do just about whatever you want. Best of luck to you.
JP recently posted…When Unemployment Ends: An Update
The world is my oyster! I can’t wait to see what pearls I find. Thanks for the words of support!
You have my permission to punch anyone in the face who says “I told you so.” This is just like what Joel from FI180 said. “What’s the worst that can happen when you retire early? You go back and get a job. Your worst-case scenario is everyone else’s everyday life.”
So you have to go back and get a job. Did you learn a boatload of stuff? Yes. So take those lessons and apply them forward.
I’m sorry your relationship didn’t work out, though. That super sucks.
Hear that trolls? Watch out! This is only a failure if I didn’t learn anything from the experience. Who knows.… maybe I’ll end up in Colorado 🙂
Darn – I missed the opportunity to meet you while you lived in Minneapolis! I am so impressed you are so open to new adventures including new locations. Good luck and I can’t wait to hear about your next steps!
I’m sure I’ll be back in the future. Too many cool people here to stay away forever 🙂
I told you so. Someone has to say it.
Someone has to say this too Chuck: https://youtu.be/OI1pufK0zOg
You know, normally I don’t watch YouTube videos but that was fucking amazing. I want to make some of those cross-stitches now!
You saw a possible dream life, and you took a swing at it to see if you could make it work. It was a great plan, the timing and situation just weren’t right. Keep swinging at your dreams and you’re bound to hit a home run on one of them. You only have to be right once to make it so keep swinging as many times as you can. One of these opportunities you cross will lead you to your dream life. You’re going to make it to where you want to go. I believe in you. Peace sister.
Wealth Well Done recently posted…The Three Fears Motivating My Financial Pursuits
Gwen, I am so sad to hear about this and see you leave, but know that you and Mew are ALWAYS welcome to stay at our place. We love you and hope to see you often. I am glad we have this community of awesome people to stay connected and unite with. You rock! We need to get together soon! By the way, you inspire me! – Amanda
Amanda recently posted…The Three Fears Motivating My Financial Pursuits
Hate to hear this Gwen, but I’m glad that it seems to be as clean as possible. Also glad you two didn’t break up over snapchat. It’s great to have such wonderful people around to support you, and I wish you all the luck in the world with finding a new full-time gig. You would’ve regretted not taking your chance. Congrats on pushing the boundaries and challenging yourself. It’s cliché, but what doesn’t kill you truly does make you stronger.
If I ever find myself traveling through where you end up, we’ll have to have you over and you can bring mew to play with our zoo (hey that rhymed!)
Nick True recently posted…The Best Strategy To Convince Your Spouse To Budget
hey, you took a shot and that’s a win. you know how many people have the regret of constantly playing it safe? me neither but it’s a lot i’m sure. you have skills in your pocket and that will help. good luck.
freddy smidlap recently posted…Freddy’s Wine School for Rubes (Beginners) – Part I
Good luck Gwen! You are a brave and intelligent woman. I am excited to see what comes next for you.
Changing your mind is a virtue, and doing it publicly is very laudable. There is no shame to going back to a corporate gig. They exist for a reason: they are pretty great as far as selling ones labour goes.
There is a huge selection effect where we here only about the successful people who become self-employed, and a hell of a lot of adverse selection in the case of people who are self-employed in a business that sells courses on how to become self-employed.
Publicly admitting it didn’t work you in this instance is great work.
No point in getting caught in a sunk costs:https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/tyMdPwd8x2RygcheE/sunk-cost-fallacy
I’m sorry about your break up, it’s always rough. You took a huge leap of faith to move to MN, and it didn’t work out so that stinks. However, you can literally do ANYTHING with your life right now. How awesome is that? The hurt will eventually subside and you will most definitely land on your feet. Now is the perfect time to dream big dreams! Yes, so what, you have to go back to the corporate world, but it’s not forever and you get to choose where you want to live. You did something that most people just dream about. Keep your head up and your eyes open, you’re going to come out on top. Take care and good luck!
Gwen -
I’m so sorry to hear about your relationship. (long time listener, first time caller)
I can relate to both heartbreak as well as the struggles to find your stride as an entrepreneur. I first took the jump about 18 months ago into the self employment world, and even though it looks like I may have hit my stride, I definitely have woken up at 2:30am more times than I care to admit to some sort of ‘What have i done with my life’ kind of crisis.
Ultimately I think you could still have a bright future doing your own thing, but maybe it’s ok to let those build organically on the side of some other fire friendly fulltime job 🙂
One little note I adore: breakups forces you to learn A LOT about yourself. Relationships (successfuls, horribles, greats, fails, bigger fails etc.) are all über important. When I broke up with my first boyfriend I (as a teenager) thought it was THE END OF THE WORLD, I went BAWWWW. But thank god we didn’t work out. I met my Mr. Hippo and I knew he was the one within 30 minutes of talking to him. A person just knows!
It all ended up OK. The world didn’t end. In fact, things only got better. It sucked during. You’re brave Gwen and I’m proud of you!!! Things will be A‑OK!!!
P.S. I listened to this song for daysssssss after a breakup and it really helped. There are two Scandinavian guys making out (the artist is gay) so just warning. But it’s a beautiful song 😀 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nh9_t82ifiU
I’m sorry for your loss. Good luck on your journey. I’m already financially independent, but I chose a more conservative path. I find the modern FIRE movement inspiring because it’s good for people (freedom) and the planet (sustainable). Thank you for sharing your experience. I look forward to watching you grow into a fiery millennial. 🙂
Hi Gwen,
Treat it as a learning experience for you. I believe that you would have gained some insights from it through positive thinking. There is nothing wrong in going back to corporate world. Earn the buck and you will achieve FIRE easily.
WTK
So sorry to hear this. It must be tough especially for it being so public and all but I admire your courage to speak your side and to not say anything ill about the other party even if you’re hurting
Danielle Ogilve recently posted…Be Prepared for Workplace Emergencies of All Kinds
Hey Gwen!
I’m a relatively new reader but wanted to pop in here and say I appreciate your honesty and wish you all the best 🙂
Whenever I used to be sad about a boy, I’d watch Breakfast at Tiffany’s — sparkly things and window escapes are sure to cheer you up!
Also, SO random, but I had to comment because my grandad has a little figurine that’s the SAME little mopey man and the same font, only his quote is “I have a lot of responsibility around here. Every time something goes wrong, I’m responsible.” I didn’t know it was a series. What a small little world 🙂
SC | MissFunctional Money recently posted…APY vs. APR: How They Work, What’s the Difference & What They Mean For You